No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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