Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
