he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
