it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
