i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
