No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize