im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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