Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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