i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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