dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
