I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize