i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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