He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
