Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Less talking, more tequila
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
