You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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