Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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