TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
