This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
