I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Randomize
