So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
