I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
