Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
