I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
