come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
