Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
