At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
