we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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