I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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