i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize