My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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