You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
