Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Green mimosas i think yes
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
