went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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