i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Drake has all the answers
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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