i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
