thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
