My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
