I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
