I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
