Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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