Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
