Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
