Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
