Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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