no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
