So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
