if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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