you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
