pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
