I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
