I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
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Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.