he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
