omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
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Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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