if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
