Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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