im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
