Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
