Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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