it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
