Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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