i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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