From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
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Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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