I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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