If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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