thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
