I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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