The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
