So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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