I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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