I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
