I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
