finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
