i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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