I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
