between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
